Do you remember when you called me ugly?
You were mad because I was being curious about a picture. You got mad and yelled at me.
We simply got better a few days later when you're back to yourself.
Do you remember when you called me fat? You were upset that I ate chocolate a lot and that my old jeans didn’t fit perfectly anymore. I was stressed and chocolate helped me calm down. But we got better a few days later.
Do you remember when you called me useless? Worthless? A B*tch? An annoying kid? Immature? Stupid? Too weird? Too emotional? Too naggy? Crybaby? ……
And then you curse at me and wish I was never born.
We always got better after that. And you think that I forgave you and forgot.
No.
I did forgive you. Because I loved you so much.
I didn’t forget. My heart still aches when I think of it.
That time when you called me ugly. I started using more makeup. Tried to dress sexy. Thought about cosmetics. Just because I wanted you to see me differently.
When you called me fat: I stopped eating for a few days. I wanted to be thin and light because maybe you were right – I told myself – maybe you like skinny women. And I was fat.
Everything you had said had an impact on me. Why?
Because YOU said it.
And I love you the most.
And you hurt me the most.
I only wanted you proud of me.
Why can you not see me this way?

"It doesn't leave a bruise; it leaves a scar"